Life Lately: Saying Goodbye to Nala
8 July 2023
It's July 8th, 2023, and I am sitting here on a small floor chair next to my dying dog Nala. She's having a little sleep because she's been saying goodbye to all her friends (human and canine). As I sit here writing this, I think it has finally hit me how heartbroken I am, yet I am also so humbled and thankful for this time with her and the lessons I have learned. Lessons I think no human could have ever taught me.
A little context:
Nala is a rescue puppy that entered our lives in January 2023. Looking back now, she entered my life at the most appropriate time. After two really awful years, where my mental health, my relationship, my sense of self, and my core values were compromised, I had finally picked myself up and gotten on the right track. I was in a good place, and along came this three-month-old puppy that, as clichéd as it sounds, stole everyone's heart. We knew from the moment we met her we were keeping her. Little did we know how grounded she would keep us, specifically me.
Nala was an intelligent, playful, food-motivated, and absolutely adorable little puppy. She was incredibly intelligent, and we practically had her toilet trained within a month. Any command we taught her, she would nail it within days. Whisper, speak, sit, stand, down, paw, wait, spin, hold, and touch, to name a few. The thing that brought her the most joy, though, was seeing people. She sounded like a squeaky toy every time she saw a human. She would get so excited to see anyone and everyone and would immediately run to a stranger to show them how much she loved them.
Fast forward to today, she is a nine-month-old puppy, and there is no running anywhere. She has been diagnosed with congenital muscular dystrophy and it is getting worse and worse by the week. She can barely stand for very long because of her muscular degeneration and often face-plants into the floor. She definitely can't get up on her own anymore. She barely eats because of the chronic pain she feels as her body is failing her. She doesn't chew on any toys or bones. She defecates herself because her body doesn't work the way her mind wants it to. Her breathing is labored due to her hiatal hernia (her stomach is now in her chest), and she often throws up because her insides just aren’t functioning how they should. Long story short, it is time. Time to end her suffering. Time to say goodbye. Tomorrow - 9th of July 2023 at 1pm 💔 But it’s also time to cherish my last day with her. After writing this, I will close my laptop and spend the rest of the day smothering her with cuddles and love.
But while she naps and I am an emotional wreck writing this, and before I gather myself, there are some things I want to write down that I have learned and am so thankful for because of Nala:
How excited I would get to come home. In the last six months, I never wanted to stay out very long because I just loved being home with Nala. I never used to like being home, especially alone. She grounded me! Because of her, I have also had to be home to take care of her and I’ve been absolutely ok with that. In that time, I have had so much time with her, sitting on my laptop, working on so many personal projects (like redoing this website). However there has been one project, in particular, that I've been wanting to do for over 10 years now, but never had the confidence or felt I had the time. Well, I finally started it and it’s a project/projects I will definitely continue to pursue thanks to Nala.
Which brings me to the next point. She has made me realize something we all know but never really keep at the forefront of our minds: life is short, and we need to use the time we have for the things that light us up inside. NOW!
She taught me patience. A small example - she was a slow walker due to her deteriorating condition, and I had to take her out six times a day because of her bladder condition. It was time-consuming, but I would leave my phone in the house and slowly walk with her to her pee spot. It was surprisingly calming and something I didn't mind doing. It made me more present.
She reconnected me with my husband. I always knew he’d be an amazing father, but watching him with her reconfirmed that for me.
Connected to the previous point; but all of this has taught me that, all that's really important is family. The quality time you spend with them. The rest of the noise in life... just doesn't matter, especially when you are present with them. There is contentment in that, and that's okay.
Having her has taught me about friendships too. Firstly, animals are better than humans! ;) This is oversimplified, but for the sake of this point... When you are dealing with a sick deteriorating dog, there are two types of friends: the ones that check-up or, through their own way, show they care, and the kind that you don't hear anything from at all. I now know which ones to keep around and give my “precious time” to.
Finally on a lighter note, she has taught me so much about dogs: how to care for them, how to train them, how to recognize certain behaviors in them and how to love them!
I could go on, but these are the main points that stand out to me right now.
I don't know how, but writing this has somehow calmed my emotions. Getting my thoughts out there, so they aren't just in my head consuming me. Maybe it’s because I’ve focused on what I’m grateful for. I guess that’s one of the benefits of a journal, whether it be hand-written or digital.
So much good has come from so much heartache. Maybe it's mindset, I'm not sure. But I wouldn't change anything, and I know we've done all we can, just like she has done all she can. Our little fighter. My plan is to write about what we've been through with her (she had Distemper and survived!!!) in the hopes that it can help someone else and their loved canine companion. But that's another story for another day.
I will end with this little thought that has been running through my head since we made the difficult decision to end Nala's suffering...
"You walked into our lives so unexpectedly, teaching us things no human ever could, and leaving paw prints on our hearts. Then, you left us so abruptly."
You will be missed. We love you Nala Nugget!
